Londoners, today we will be considering three little words:
Rush Hour Crush.
Not so much the actual crush experienced on the tube, but that hallowed section of the Metro everyone reads while grasping one teeny, tiny, miniscule little thought:
“WILL IT BE ME TODAY?”
Rush Hour Crush is the jingle of hope in every commuter’s morning routine. Spanning just one single column in the Metro newspaper, this is the home of bus stop romances, cross-platform glances, brief Underground encounters and an unholy amount of regret.
In fact, put your ear to the paper and you’ll probably be able to hear it: the faint sound of smitten Londoners repeatedly kicking themselves, mourning that moment the doors closed and their last tube home lust-object disappeared down the tunnel to Hainult via Bank.
But if this small but perfectly formed newspaper column has taught us anything over the years, it’s the following:
No distinguishing feature is a bad distinguishing feature
Even ailments, contagious illnesses and coughing fits are just a calling card for love
Phone numbers are best given on plain sheets of normal, white paper
A dab of perfume in the morning can go a long way
…as can spending a little bit longer doing your hair.
It’s the million pound payoff for every time someone’s said “You know who you look like?” and then named a character from Harry Potter.